Potty Mouth Training 101: A Guide for Helping an Emotionally Incontinent Grown-Up

Welcome, Grown-Up Grown-Ups!
Are you constantly dodging emotional messes, cleaning up after explosive conversations, or walking on eggshells around someone who’s emotionally...leaky? Congrats! You may be dealing with an adult who still needs to be potty mouth trained. Just like with toddlers, it takes patience, boundaries, and the occasional emotional clean-up.

✅ Some Folks Are More Ready to Improve Than Others
Signs someone is ready for growth:

• they’re open to feedback

• they’re willing to sit with discomfort

• they share past regrets

• they show self restraint

• they take responsibility

Some people would rather choose chaos. You don’t have to be anyone’s janitor. However, it’s important to recognize when people are ready for a change, because these moments can be fleeting.

⚠️ Recognize the Warnings
Before a blowout, there are some clues that we can look out for. Some examples include:

• ignoring boundaries

• refusal to take responsibility

• road rage

• being rude to waitstaff

• enabling others to do harm

These are red flags that a mess is about to hit the fan, and it’s time to decide: piss or get off the pot.

🚽 Set Up a Safe Zone (a.k.a. Boundaries)
You’re not a toilet. You’re not here to be emotionally pooped on. Some ways to verbally set boundaries:

• "I won’t continue this conversation if you keep raising your voice."

• "You can be upset, but I’m not a trash can."

• “Let’s take a moment to air things out before we pick this back up.”

• "If this situation stays toxic, I am stepping away from it."

• “I'm in the middle of something. Can we talk about this later?”

Boundaries aren’t walls. They’re baby gates, keeping the mess contained while letting the communication and respect flow.

🧻 Keeping the Conversation Clean
Managing tough conversations keeps things from escalating into a full-blown mess.

• Stay curious
  People often raise their voices because they don’t feel heard.

• Ask open-ended questions
  Help the other person express themselves without feeling attacked.

• Use “I” statements
  Focus on your feelings instead of blaming (“I feel…” vs. “You always…”).

• Stay mindful of your tone
  Avoid sarcasm or snark. Calm, steady voices help keep things from boiling over.

• Use humor wisely
  A little lightness can diffuse heat, but beware, the wrong timing can make things worse.

It’s not about control–it’s about helping them find appropriate places to process their feelings. Like therapy. Or a pillow scream. Or a journal. Not your face.

⭐ Celebrate Small Victories (Without Patronizing)
Did they express a feeling without attacking you? Did they walk away instead of exploding? Did they pause and say, "I need a minute"? That’s a win. Celebrate it.

Give them a gold star (metaphorically or literally, if you’re both into it).

A little gratitude goes a long way.
A quick, “Thanks for handling that differently,” or “I noticed that–it meant a lot,” can validate the effort and encourage more of it.

💦 Slip-Ups Happen. Don’t Rub Their Nose in It
Accidents are inevitable. Don’t shame them for making mistakes–guilt is not a clean solution.

Instead of scolding, stay calm, acknowledge the moment, and help guide things back to neutral. 

Punishment often creates resentment, and resentment festers. Growth needs air, not pressure.

🧼 Ultimately, It’s Up to Them
You can guide, set boundaries, and model good habits–but at the end of the day, everyone has to learn to wipe their own butts. Real change only happens when they take responsibility for their own messes.

So do what you can, help where you’re able, and when it’s time, flush away the undesirable moments and protect your peace.